Behind Every Successful Woman is …

“Behind Every Successful Man Is A Woman”. I remember the first time I heard this saying. I must have been about 10 years old. I was at a church harvest service with my family at the St. Augustine’s Anglican Church in my hometown Larteh. My father had just been introduced as the chairman for the occasion. He was introduced with glowing accolades and I was proud to hear all the amazing things that were being said about this wonderful man I am privileged to call my father. I remember thinking what a brilliant man he was as he was ushered to his seat in the middle of the raised stage to a rapturous applause. The person introducing the special guests was a woman, who as I recall, did not actually introduce herself. Then it was time to introduce my mother. I couldn’t wait to hear what accolades she was going to be adorned with. To my brother and I, our mother was the most amazing person on earth. We thought of her as treasure. A strong woman. The woman who held our very complicated family together. The woman who built anything and everything from scratch with her bare hands. Everything she touched turned to gold. The woman who had organised and coordinated this very church harvest service to perfection, and whose guests I might add, made up at least 70% of those present. My brother and I knew, from being ferried around with her while she organised the event, that the harvest was not going to be this bountiful without her amazing organisational skills. And then the moment arrived. I was beaming with pride. My mother looked radiant standing at the back of the church keeping an eye on everything. I remember thinking, if my father had that applause, then the church would not be able to contain the applause for my mother. Then the lady introducing the guests said: “Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mrs. Ansa-Asare!” Then came the applause. That weak obligatory clap of hands at the end of a boring speech. No where near the rapturous applause that I expected for her. I was so disappointed. A little angry actually. As my mother walked down the aisle to take her seat next to my father, I kept thinking about how unfair it was that she was not given the accolades she deserved. I did not enjoy that harvest service. And I have not enjoyed any event I have been to since then where a wife has only been introduced as the woman behind her successful husband. “Behind every successful man is a woman”. As true as that is, for I do not believe that there is any successful man that does not have a woman behind his success, that saying irks me to my core. After that harvest service, I could not help but notice that my mother, my grandmothers, my aunts, and their sister friends were generally very enterprising women who I considered successful in their own right. I began noticing that there were women in our society all around me, from homes, to the markets, the hospitals and to the schools, who were in charge of their own affairs and those of their various families in ways that actually held the nation together, and without which the entire nation would crumble. I began noticing that these women had something in common. Something that cemented their successes in ways that were so effortless that it was easy to miss and even ignore. It was grit. There was a question that I kept asking myself, the answer to which kept eluding me. What made women so successful yet so unrecognised for their successes? And so it became something I often pondered upon: “Behind Every Successful Woman Is…” Hmmm… 1st October 2024 marked 20 years since I was called to the Ghana Bar. That day was a beautiful day for me. It began with a post on MountCrest University College’s Facebook page celebrating this significant milestone. I was truly touched by the post from this institution that was founded by my parents, and which I lead as Rector. I was even more touched by the congratulatory comments in the comments section from people I knew well through to people I did not know at all. I received numerous phone calls and messages congratulating me on my ‘success’ in life. One thing that stood out to me was that many of the congratulatory messages I received were not really about my 20 years at the Bar but rather about how ‘successful’ I had become in life generally and how that was an achievement to be celebrated. This brought tears to my eyes. Was I being described as a successful woman? A successful woman in my own right? Not a woman behind a successful man? I thought about my mother. I thought about my grandmothers. I thought about my aunts. I thought about their sister friends and how sisterhood had propelled them individually and collectively to great heights for which they had received little or no recognition, save to say that they were the women behind their successful husbands. Then I thought about myself and my sister friends whose mothers, grandmothers and aunts, like mine, did not receive their accolades in their own right either. Then I thought about what a long way women had come. We have finally arrived at the table and we are taking our seats at the table. Our grandmothers laid the foundation for our mothers to believe in themselves and in promoting sisterhood to reach greater heights together as women. Our mothers embraced what their mothers had instilled in them and made huge sacrifices to lay the foundation for us to arrive at a place where we could take a seat at the table with men. Our mothers passed on the baton to us and we, having taken a seat at the table, are now proudly laying the foundation for our daughters to not only own their successes but also to normalise the idea of a successful woman in her own right. Although it is a shame that women have had to fight tooth and nail to get here, it is so encouraging to see that our daughters may not have to fight as hard because by the time they get there, the idea: a successful woman in her own right will be established. We are now faced with the arduous task of raising our sons and daughters to normalise the idea of a successful woman in her own right in our society. I teach law. Ghana Legal System and Legal Method to be precise. One of the introductory topics I teach is the Nature/Concept of Law, which includes various theories and philosophical underpinnings of Law. Over the 12 years or so that I have taught this topic, the theory that has engaged my students the most is the Feminist Legal Theory. In simple terms, Feminist Legal Theory views law as the legal system that promotes a patriarchal social structure. The theory seeks to expose the inherent bias in our laws, policies and customs that maintain a male-dominated social order that can only reflect the ‘reality’ of women from the point of view of men. It is truly fascinating to listen to students’ discussions and presentations on the Feminist Legal Theory. Year in year out, I have witnessed my students appreciate the role that law, policy and customs play in keeping our society unequal. Historically, even the laws that claim to promote gender equality are passed from the point of view of men and so fail to the achieve the very purpose for which they are designed. People, and by people I mean men, often ask me why feminists do not seem to need or want men in their lives. Why do feminists strive for gender equality beyond the workplace? Why can’t feminists just accept that in the natural order of life, men and women are not equal? Why can’t women just accept that in the family order the man is the head of the family and the woman is his helper? In my view, it is such thinking that keeps our society as a ‘developing’ one and keeps it farther away from reaching the desired ‘developed’ status. Now, let me answer the questions in the order in which I asked them. First of all, I consider it inaccurate to say that feminists do not seem to need or want men in their lives. A common theme that runs through the writings and sayings of accomplished writers such as Ama Ata Aidoo, Maya Angelou and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, is that feminism is not restricted to women. It is not a female-only club with no men allowed! Men can be feminists too. In fact, if we adopt the Encyclopaedia Britannica’s definition of feminism as the belief in social, economic, and political equality of the sexes, then all men should be feminists too. We should be raising our daughters as well as our sons to become feminists. So feminists do want men in women’s lives and vice versa. Together, men and women should promote and normalise gender equality. In addressing the second question, I have come to realise that many men accept that there should be gender equality in the workplace but do not accept that there should be gender equality in our homes. I find that to be bizarre and rather dangerous. My mother often says that ‘charity begins at home’. How can we even dream of transforming our society to embrace true gender equality if we do not start by transforming our homes. What kind of message are we sending our children if we teach them that it is alright to discriminate between boys and girls at home on the basis of gender as long as they understand that they cannot discriminate at work one day when they are adults? Well, by the time they become adults, gender bias will become innate to them and they cannot change what has been inculcated in them right from childhood. So at that stage, passing laws and policies on gender equality for the adult workplace will just be paying lip service without any commitment to real action. Everything will remain on paper, unless women take the needed action for themselves, with or without men backing them. As for the final argument that the man is the head of the family and the woman is his helper, a notion often attributed to scripture, which I believe has been erroneously interpreted for centuries on end, I consider that it is about time we dispelled that as a basis for gender discrimination. It is wrong. I am a Christian and a firm believer in scripture. I firmly believe that, all things being equal, a man is the head of the family and the woman his helper, in the same way that I believe every corporate organisation must have a leader providing direction for an organised workforce. Otherwise, total chaos will ensue. I am the head of my institution, and I believe that it is my duty as head to lead and provide direction for the institution. Every nation has its leader with a people to provide direction for. So in that sense, we have a ‘head’ and we have ‘helpers’. My being the head of my institution does not and should not create an unequal order in terms of who we are. That would be plain wrong. We are all equals. What is unequal is the degree of responsibility each of us bears. The leader bears the greatest responsibility in setting direction and should be held accountable for his or her leadership. The man being the head of the household places on him a certain responsibility for his family for which God will hold him accountable. I find that the British political system provides a great illustration of how we should view leadership. The British Prime Minister is considered primus inter pares in his cabinet. A first among equals. So is the man in his home. A first among equals. So should be the president of our country. A first among equals. So should be the leader of any organisation, however large or small. A first among equals. So should we strive for a society with true gender equality where the various social, economic and political units, however large or small, are led by a first among equals. The challenge we must pose for ourselves in achieving true gender equality is how we use our law, policies and customs to create an enabling environment to lift women up to take up their rightful places in society including at home, at work, and most importantly in politics. I honestly believe that it is time for Ghana to have a woman as president, for the woman possesses certain innate qualities that is likely to provide the transformational leadership our dear country needs. I was delighted when, finally after almost a decade since being introduced as a bill in Parliament, the Affirmative Action (Gender Equality) Act 2024 was passed. The law seeks to achieve gender equality in Ghana progressively and by the year 2030. Having read the law, I am impressed by the benchmarks and targets we have set for ourselves, but I am not convinced that we as a people possess the mindset of true gender equality in order to achieve it by 2030. What I do know is that we have come a long way as a society and as women in particular in reaching such a significant milestone and I applaud all the activists who have lobbied and pushed for such a progressive law to be passed. I applaud Parliament for passing this law and the people of Ghana for embracing it. It is now up to all of us to implement this law without impediments. As for us women, we must remain determined in our fight for true gender equality, with or without the support of our men. Of course, our journey will be much quicker and beneficial for all of us and our children with the full support of our men by our side. However, we should not let the support of our men determine our success. We should strive to achieve and own our successes in our own right, filling in the blanks in the statement “Behind Every Successful Woman is…”. I know that the answer will differ for everyone. For me, with my faith and trust in God, and with my firm belief in sisterhood lifting us women to greater heights together, I say that “Behind Every Successful Woman Is… SHEER GRIT!!!” Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Irene Ansa-Asare. I am an Educated African Woman. Unapologetically so.